


We were born sick

by kagseyamas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blood, Gore, Graphic Violence, M/M, Tokyo Ghoul AU, a lot of blood, ghoul!yamaguchi, okay trigger warnings, this is so angsty ooo, tsukki is dense, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 22:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3505061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagseyamas/pseuds/kagseyamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima Kei was a normal guy with a normal life and a normal best friend. What he didn't count on was the possibility that said best friend could have a steady diet of people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We were born sick

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: thanks to Voix7 on tumblr for the awesome[ art ](http://voix7.tumblr.com/post/113439650356/i-am-a-man-with-priorities-sure-i-could-be-be)of ghoul!yams

Tsukishima Kei was a simple man. He went to college, did all of his assignments on time, played volleyball occasionally, he didn't really drink or go to parties—too much hassle—and sometimes he went for coffee and a late lunch with his best friend.

On that day, he and Yamaguchi chose to go to a small hole-in-the-wall café in a quiet part of town. While Kei always ordered big portions—he was huge, after all, Yamaguchi always ate tiny meals, which Kei found disturbing, considering Yamaguchi was only a little bit shorter than him. Kei always showed snippets of affection by putting some of his own food onto Yamaguchi's plate and glaring at him until he smiled sheepishly and ate it—it was a routine they had.

Their routine was cut short that day, when Yamaguchi took his first bite, went pale, and clamped a hand over his mouth. He glanced up at Kei, and seeing him watching, ducked his head and swallowed thickly, forcing a weak smile onto his face.

"It's nice."

"Do you feel sick or something?" Kei stopped himself from reaching across the table and pressing a hand to his friend's forehead.

"...Yeah, I think I'm just a little bit ill." Yamaguchi nodded. "I ate some weird-tasting chicken yesterday."

"You can go home if you want." Kei shrugged, stirring his coffee absent-mindedly.

"...Maybe I should." Yamaguchi mumbled, words slurred as though he was about to be sick. He looked pale and sluggish, and kind of gross. "I have a paper due in two days." Kei was surprised that he had used that excuse, rather than feeling sick. He decided to brush it off.

"Whatever. Just get some rest, you look awful." he hoped that Yamaguchi wouldn't recognise the genuine concern behind his harsh words.

He was out of luck. Yamaguchi cocked his head, and after a second or two, gave him a weak smile.

"Thanks, Tsukki, I will."

They parted their ways, and Kei decided to take a detour to the music store. Although he used his iPod and headphones quite a lot, nothing could beat a few CDs. Selecting one he'd been eyeing before, he bought it with the remainder of his money from lunch. The sun was setting when he left, and the town had quietened down a bit as people were returning home from work or days out. Kei decided to follow their example.

Turning down the nearest alley, he shuffled the songs on his iPod until he got to the one he'd been hoping for anyway, which totally disregarded the concept of shuffle. He became self-aware of doing it when Yamaguchi had seen his habit one day and pointed it out, chuckling. Kei's head snapped up when something caught his eye. He muted his music and lowered the headphones from his ears. Was that sound... _chewing?_

His eyes focused on what he had previously seen. A foot. Wether or not it was attached to a leg, Kei couldn't tell, but it was definitely lying on the ground. As he crept forward slightly, heart pounding in his ears, what he saw made him freeze up. The foot, as it turned out, _was_  attached to a body. Specifically, the body of a bloodied corpse. There was another man that Kei couldn't see, crouched over him, using both hands to dig up whatever organs he could handle, shovelling them into his mouth ravenously. Kei felt the urge to vomit, but he willed himself to hold it down, not wanting to draw attention. He was witnessing a ghoul. A real, feeding ghoul. It would be smarter for him to run and get away from there, but he couldn't bring his body to move.

He wasn't sure if he had moved, or if maybe he had just heard the sound of Kei's heart racing, but the ghoul in front of him stopped. Kei internally cursed, but his feet were stuck to the ground. This was it. He was done for. He watched in horror as two metallic-looking spears grew from just below the small man's shoulder blades, and he spun around. If Kei's heart hadn't stopped already, it was a goner now.

He was looking at Yamaguchi. His eyes were completely black with red pupils, and he was drenched in blood, most of it coating his clothes, and his mouth and chin, but this was without a doubt, his best friend. His sweet, harmless, push-over best friend. Kei watched as Yamaguchi's horrible eyes went wide, and a gasp left his lips. The purple metal things left his shoulders, and he dropped the organ that he had been holding in his hand. It fell to the ground with a sickening _squelch_.

"Tsu...kki?" he said quietly, and all Kei could do was nod slowly, taking a few, hopefully-unnoticeable steps backwards.

He glanced at the obese man lying on the ground, half of his insides torn out and strewn everywhere. Then he looked back to Yamaguchi, who was watching him with his own, sad eyes. He'd never be able to look at those eyes the same again—assuming that he survived the night.

"You're gonna turn me in now, I guess." Yamaguchi mumbled, looking at him as if he was on the verge of tears. It somehow reminded Kei that even though his friend was a monster, his personality remained the same, and that was where Kei had dominance.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't."

Yamaguchi's eyes went wide in shock and his mouth gaped open, as if he hadn't been expecting that kind of answer at all.

"I-I didn't kill him!" the freckled boy yelled, wiping frantically at his mouth with his sweater sleeve. Thank god no one else was around to witness it.

Kei looked from him to the corpse, back to Yamaguchi again, and raised an eyebrow. Yamaguchi bowed his head and scratched his neck sheepishly.

"I-I know what it looks like, b-but I found him like this, I swear!" he turned to the body and dropped to his knees, rummaging around in the wreckage for a few moments, as Kei looked on in horror and disgust. Then he stood up, holding up something small and metallic in his blood-coated fingers.

"I-it's a bullet, see? I think he was mugged or something before I came here. I don't usually do this but I haven't eaten in so long, and you wanted to go out so I couldn't pick up my usual supply of meat, and the food I ate earlier made me feel weak. So I took an opportunity. Tsukki you have to believe I'd never hurt anyone..." Yamaguchi looked at him with wide, pleading eyes, lip trembling as if he was about to bawl. "I'd never hurt you."

He took a step forward, and Kei took one back, keeping the distance between them the same. He believed that the boy would never hurt him. But looking at him now, covered in blood that wasn't his, seeing him earlier, digging into another human as if it were a feast—he was repulsed.

"You make me sick." he said quietly, and watched as Yamaguchi's heart broke right in front of him. "I'm not going to report you. Just... stay away from me."

The tears in Yamaguchi's eyes spilled over as Kei turned around and left the alley. He checked his shoes for any blood as he heard a muffled sob coming from behind him, and tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest and the stinging behind his eyes.

 

***

 

They didn't talk for weeks after that. Kei pretended that it didn't hurt his chest to think of what he'd said, or to imagine Yamaguchi believing that that's what Kei actually thought of him. The thing was, Tsukishima Kei was bad at communicating feelings. More specifically, positive or affectionate feelings. Insult was the only thing he knew. But that didn't mean that he didn't feel things like that. Apart from his parents and his brother, Yamaguchi was the person he held the most affection for, even if the boy didn't know it.

He finally snapped one night, three weeks later. It was storming outside, and Kei was tired and lonely and Yamaguchi's stupid hoodie was draped over a chair on the other side of the room. Maybe he was missing that hoodie and didn't even know Kei had it. He would have to return it sooner or later. It was clogging up his apartment, anyway. He grabbed it, along with an umbrella, and left his apartment.

When he arrived at Yamaguchi's place, the entire flat was dark. The curtains were drawn, and there were no lights on, but he knew someone was home because even through the sound of pelting rain, he could hear something crashing inside.

"Yamaguchi, it's Tsukishima. Open the door. I came to give your hoodie back." he called, refusing to sound like he was swallowing his pride to be here.

He was doing this because he didn't want Yamaguchi's stupid hoodie in his house, after all. When no reply came, he thumped hard on the door. As he did so, it creaked open slightly at the force of his fist. So it was already open. Pushing it open further, he stepped into the darkness.

"Yamaguchi." he called, squinting to see in the shadows.

He heard a squelching beneath his foot, and looked down to see that he had stepped in something...goopy...and redish-black. Realising what it was, he lifted his foot up quickly in disgust.

"Tsukki?"

His head snapped up to where the voice came from. Over on the bed. He closed the front door behind him, flicked on the lamp, and there, sprawled across the bed, looking pale and bloody, was Yamaguchi. To say that Kei was over there in less than a second would be an understatement. Upon further inspection, Yamaguchi had a huge gaping hole in his middle, and there were gashes and deep cuts all over his skin, his sheets drenched in blood. Looking down, he realised that he'd walked in a large trail of blood leading from the door to the bed. He gaped at the boy.

"What happened?"

"I'm fine...I..." Yamaguchi was trembling, and was most certainly not fine. "A–a few cannibal ghouls got me... b-but I don't think I-I'm dead yet."

"What the _fuck?_  How can I help?" Kei wasn't even trying to mask the urgency in his voice anymore.

"You... you can't help. I'm gonna die, Tsukki." Yamaguchi sighed. He didn't really sound upset that at all. "You don't need to worry."

Suddenly, Kei was angry.

"Shut the fuck up, Yamaguchi. You're not gonna die. Now seriously, what do you need, because you're getting blood all over my clothes. You can at least be apologetic for that."

Despite sounding uncaring and cold, he knew that that amount of level-headedness was what his friend needed right now. To think that Yamaguchi thought that he'd be better off dead. It disgusted him.

"Ah, sorry Tsukki." came the familiar phrase. "Well, I might be able to heal faster if I eat, but..." he trailed off.

"But?"

"I'm not doing that anymore."

Kei stared at him in disbelief for a few moments, as Yamaguchi coughed up a small amount of blood.

"What do you mean _you're not doing that anymore?_  Are you suicidal, you idiot?"

"P-please don't shout at me." Yamaguchi lifted up a trembling hand, and Kei grabbed hold of it to steady it. "I was so ashamed of it, and you said it was sick, and I've always hated the way I am, so I thought that maybe if I could just _stop_ —"

"You're a fucking idiot. _Idiot_." Kei growled, getting worked up at how low Yamaguchi thought of himself. "You have to _eat_ , Tadashi. Don't pull that suicidal bullshit on me. You matter to me and you know it, so just stop."

Yamaguchi was staring at him with wide, scared eyes.

"B-but how can I, there's nothing for me to eat."

Kei stared at him for a moment, contemplated his own self-worth, then pulled his shirt over his head.

"There is." he said, pointing towards his shoulder.

Yamaguchi's eyes went wide, as he stared at Kei as if he'd grown three extra heads.

"I can't eat _you_ , Tsukki!" he squawked. Kei scoffed.

"Did I say you could? You can have a little bit, only just until you're stronger. Any more than that, and I'll punch you, got it?"

The other boy still looked unsure, so Kei sat himself on the bed, and forcibly sat Yamaguchi up. He positioned his shoulder right under his friend's mouth, and watched as his eyes went black. Suddenly, teeth were ripping through his flesh, as if Yamaguchi was suddenly remembering how hungry he actually was and turning into a monster. Kei gritted his teeth and clamped his mouth shut in order to prevent himself from crying out in pain.

"You know," he began, as the sound of suckling came from over his shoulder, "I never thought _you_  of all people would be a ghoul. To be honest, you're the sweetest person I know, so I didn't really suspect you of eating people. But I guess it's not _your_  fault that you can't eat human food, if you were born like that."

He was rambling now, and he knew it. Maybe it was to distract him from the pain.

"But you can't starve yourself because of something as pigheaded as shame. If it's your biology, it's your biology, so you shouldn't put yourself through any unnecessary pain because of me."

He wasn't even sure if Yamaguchi was even listening, as the boy kept sucking away at his shoulder, teeth clamped down hard. He was starting to feel a little weak.

"Tadashi...stop now."

Could Yamaguchi hear him at all?

"I don't feel well. Stop."

He could fall asleep, he felt so tired. Things were blurry, even though he had his glasses on. Yamaguchi wasn't stopping, and his shoulder must have been shredded by now. He was regretting this.

"'S enough....y'idiot."

Things weren't very clear after that. He blacked out at some point.

When he awoke, he was in a bed, with a wrecked-looking Yamaguchi sitting beside him. The sun was up, and he noticed that the room and sheets had been cleaned from all blood, as if it had never happened. As he shifted in bed, a sear of pain shot from his shoulder, and he noticed a large bandage over it. Yamaguchi must have heard him moving, as his eyes shot open and he was on his feet immediately.

"Tsukki." he uttered breathlessly. "I'm so sorry, I promised I wouldn't hurt you, and I did and I'm so sorry." he bowed deeply in apology. "Please turn me in."

Kei rolled his eyes, closing them afterwards.

"I'm still here aren't I? I know you don't want to kill me, dumbass. But this is what happens when you starve yourself."

Yamaguchi raised himself slowly, looking puzzled.

"You... _don't_  hate me?"

"Well yeah, I'm pissed alright. I said 'not too much', and you broke that promise, so I'll have to take you up on that punch later on. But I know you don't have any ulterior motives. I trust you on that."

Then, Yamaguchi was bursting into tears. It was awful.

"Thank god!" he clamped his two hands over his mouth and nose, sniffing loudly. "I didn't know what to do without you these past few weeks. And I don't want to die, Tsukki, I really don't. I thought that maybe it was for the best, but if I was dead, then you'd be left behind, right? And then when when you die, you'll be in heaven, and I'll be in hell, so we really wouldn't get to see each other again."

"More like the other way 'round." Kei snorted, finding it amusing that Yamaguchi considered himself hell-worthy, when really, he wouldn't slap a mosquito.

"Tsukki." Yamaguchi said quietly after a moment of silence, brushing a hand over his forehead, fingers tangling in a mess of sticky hair from dried sweat. "What do you think about me?"

"Hmm?" Kei said, eyes shut, still quite tired. "I think you're persistent."

"No, I mean like—like you're feelings about me."

He cracked an eye open, to see Yamaguchi picking at the wick of his thumbnail, keeping his eyes on his hands. He looked pale, and his brows were furrowed. He'd never really thought about it. The two were best friends—they had been ever since high school, when Yamaguchi wouldn't stop following him around, not that he'd minded. Yamaguchi was quiet, shared his interests, and it wasn't a nuisance to have him around. He wasn't obnoxious or stubborn or pathetic either. He was the right sort of friend Kei needed—one that cared deeply about him, and one that he cared for too.

He and Yamaguchi shared a deep trust. After all, he'd let the other boy make a meal of his own shoulder, so that said enough. Wasn't that enough for Yamaguchi?

"I trust you." he said. He didn't say anything else because he didn't think there was anything else to say, but something in the back of his mind was telling him that there was.

"I trust you too!" Yamaguchi said, a little loudly, and a little rushed. "So please trust me on this, Tsukki." He bowed his head and let out a controled-but-shaky sigh.

"I like you. Too much. I like you as more than a friend and it's so stupid because before I thought it would be better if you knew I was a ghoul, but now I just wish you didn't know, because it's probably stressful for you. And I know it could never work out for us because there are people actively trying to kill my kind, and you'd be arrested for even being _friends_  with me, and I don't even know if you're interested in me, so. Please just consider this before you continue being friends with me."

Kei's mouth was in a tight line and his fists were clenched even though he was weak. Underneath all of the negativity, was that some sort of weird, twisted confession? Was that what Yamaguchi was asking when he asked his feelings towards him? Like, romantically? He wanted to tear his hair out. On one hand, Yamaguchi was right. They were doomed to fail in all respects. But when had that stopped him before? Just because he'd never thought about Yamauchi romantically, it didn't mean that the feelings weren't there, because his heart was beating rapidly and his breathing begged to quicken, even though his facial expression didn't budge.

He wanted to be closer to the other boy, in every way. After all, how could two people, who were capable of romantic attraction, have such a strong emotional bond, and not want more of each other? Kei was dense.

"I don't want to be friends with you." he said, and paused, because he was a dramatic asshole.

Yamaguchi's expression immediately fell, and he nodded his head. "I unders—"

"I said I trust you, and I meant that. So I'll trust you to take care of me. In all respects."

He didn't want to flat out say 'I like you too, Yamaguchi' so he hoped that that would suffice. Yamaguchi's eyes widened at him, and searched his own, trying to find a meaning.

"Do you mean..." he sounded breathless as he trailed off.

"I mean yeah. I feel the same as you do. I guess." his face was probably red by now, and he could tell that it was fixed into a scowl. He couldn't look Yamaguchi in the eye. This was so embarrassing.

"Tsukki..." Yamaguchi breathed out, eyes wide and a little teary. "You like me?"

"It's not a big deal." Kei scowled, and Yamaguchi tried his best to stop a grin from blossoming onto his face, but there he was, biting his lip and smiling uncontrollably down at Kei, and Kei didn't mind at all. It was quite the opposite, actually.

"Right! Of course!" Yamaguchi nodded, then hesitated, before bending down to press a kiss to Kei's forehead. Kei felt hot and flushed and embarrassed but there was something that Yamaguchi hadn't said yet, and it was bothering him

"Go out with me."

The other boy's mouth hung open for a second before he snapped in shut, and nodded largely, grinning again. "Okay. Thank you, Tsukki."

 

***

 

When Yamaguchi had predicted they were destined to fail together, he'd been sorely mistaken. A happy ending was cliche, Kei thought, but when it was for the two of them, he let it be the one exception. Yes, Yamaguchi had his days, where he hated himself and everything he was, but on those days, Kei was always there to assure him that he was perfect (said in his own way, of course). They stopped going out for lunch together after Kei made the discovery that Yamaguchi had made himself throw up after he got home every single time, and that the freckled boy wasn't lying when he'd said that he would never kill anyone.

Sadly, there were some ghoul/human couples who weren't quite as fortunate, but Kei liked to think that it was Karma, rather than luck. Yamaguchi was a good person, and so he got to live. He must have compensated for Kei too. There were times when Yamaguchi would break down after hearing about more murdered ghouls on the news, knowing quite well that the majority of them were only trying to live as normal people. And on those days, the only thing Kei could do was hold him, because he had no argument to justify this.

Although he'd never said anything, he thought well and good that it was fate's work, that they were together. It was fate, that he'd decided to take a detour to the music shop, on the day he'd discovered Yamaguchi was a ghoul, and fate that he'd gotten pissed off at a hoodie on the same night that Yamaguchi would have died if he hadn't shown up.

"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi said one time, as they were lazing on the couch together one night after college. "What if I hadn't left my hoodie in your house?"

"I think I'd still love you." he'd replied, after a moment of thinking.

Yamaguchi tensed up for a moment, but then relaxed again, snuggling deeper into his side, and sighing. "Mmm. I love you too, Tsukki."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry mom lmao


End file.
